Oh how I want to be away from my parents! I feel so trapped and suffocated. My father has to do everything by himself because if he doesn't do it it will be done wrong. There is only way in his mind--his way. If you knew me then you would know that I don't follow blindly like some silly sheep. I question everything and have a tendency to be very sarcastic. I actually have quite a mean streak. I think it's my defense mechanism against all the teasing I've endured from my family during my pitifully short existence. I should really work on being nicer. I don't want to end up like my persecutors--emotionless, unsympathetic jerks.
That's one of my biggest fears; that'll become what I hate. Already I feel as if I'm doing just that. It's quite scary. But how can you be pleasant when you're surrounded by hate and negativity? It just baffles me. To be loving and nice to the people who hurt you seems like living a lie.
That's why I want to get away; so I won't morph into what I despise. Emancipation seems highly impossible though, unless I want to screw up my life even more by not being able to go to college because I have to pay my bills and all that other shit I'd have to take care of myself. No I'll just have to bide my time and try to play nice. Only 3 more years and I'll be able to walk out of the door and call all the shots. Hopefully I will stay sane until that day.
Best wishes to the rest of the world. Blessed Be )O(
