"Don't be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream it, you can make it so." - Belva Davis
It's almost the beginning of a New Year again, and whether you want to finally get into shape or take up knitting everyone has something they dream of doing. Just remember that nothing is out of grasp. The only limitations are the ones you set for yourself. So tell me, what are your plans for 2011?
So I'm sitting here freaking out that I'm a total loser because I'm 16 and have never held hands, kissed, or dated a boy. Sure I've had people hit on me even ask for my number--but they were all players and potheads. Why am I spazing over this? Well I was at my friend's unofficial 16th Birthday party( she didn't want one but her mom made her a cake and told her to invite people over. lol I had a really great time) and with the room being full of girls, the conversation eventually lead to boys. Everyone in the room has dated multiple guys, some have even lost the virginity already. And there sits little innocent me; never been kissed. It made me feel out of place, having never done anything with a boy. But it didn't really hit me until just now.
But you know what, I realized--sitting here contemplating why my love life is so barren--that I'm just selective. I have high standards, and frankly the guys at my school just aren't up to par. It's a good thing that I'm not throwing my affections away. If guys like me, they'll let me know. And most importantly--this is going to sound very cheesy--I don't need a man to be happy. Which I already knew, but sometimes you just have to remind yourself of these things.
I know I'm beautiful, people tell me all the time. No, I am not talking about my mother! I get comments on my skin and hair frequently; golden olive( 50% Italian baby. You are free to be jealous!) and dark chocolate curls. Granted I've always wished I was as pale as snow. But I know that people spend hours roasting their beautiful skin to attain what I have naturally. So I'm not ugly.
Confidence wise I could be better, but I've improved 10-fold from middle school. 6th grade I was the shy nerdy kid who had absolutely no fashion sense, was match-stick-thin, flat chested--of course, and was afraid of everything ( I prefer to forget this time in my life). 7th grade was my reform years, where I tried way to hard to be tough and bad-ass( I still had no fashion sense, little confidence, and was terribly thin) I didn't do work and tried my best to get into trouble; basically I was reinventing myself. 8th grade was a continuation of the previous year work wise, although I did gain some amazing friends--and some boobs. :D The summer before freshman year is when I really changed. I gained major self-esteem and realized that slacking off next year wasn't an option. Everything was going to count now, and not doing my work hadn't made me cooler at all.
High School has been amazing, it kicks middle school's ass! I've made many friends a lot of them upperclassmen ( in High School age and grade don't really matter.) and boys. I'd never want to date any of them though. They're too good of friends and not very attractive.
So ladies, the moral of the story is you are NOT losers for never having been kissed at 16, you are all beautiful and the guys are just too busy drooling to speak to you, Middle School sucks, and the High School dating pool is very slim. Keep upholding your standards and respect your body; our knights in shinning armor will come!
So an update is needed about my harry Potter premier tickets( a month late--but yes). I was not able to go because a flu like virus decided to mug me and leave me stranded on my couch the week of. The only thing I got up for was to drag myself to an orchestra contest I had. Can't skip that. Especially with all practice time I devoted to it!
I don't think I've mentioned, but violin is my passion as of late. I started in 5th grade along with all my other classmates, but unlike them I keep coming back year after year. I just can't get enough of that shrill E string I guess. Until this year it's always been a hobby that I do for enjoyment, but something changed. I credit one of my favorite artists, Emilie Autumn, (I'm actually listening to her right now as I peck away on my keyboard). Her brilliant mastery of the electric violin has inspired me to turn my hobby into a living.
This year alone I've played more than I've ever played in my life. First contributer: I finally made it into the top orchestra, Symphonic, my sophomore year amazingly. Last year I was in Philharmonic--I skipped freshie orchestra, not to brag or anything. Haha! Second reason: Musical! Yes I voluntarily signed myself up for this form of orchestral torture/bootcamp. This year they picked Little Women. I literally had no life the month of October. Wake up, go to school, musical practice until 6:30 or even 9, go home and eat dinner, do homework, sleep, and repeat. Not to mention weekend rehearsals and the ones over break, and my private lessons which I had two times a week to help with figuring out the crazy musical key signatures--6 sharps anyone. I ate and breathed music. In short hardest and most fun thing I have ever done musically! I've actually been physically maimed from it! Just kidding; I now have a hickey-esque raw spot on my neck from where my violin rests. So if anyone asks, my boyfriend is Ludwig( yes I named my violin. Who doesn't? All the losers that's who.) He loves to nibble on my throat. *giggle*
Third cause: I tried out for All State Orchestra--another suicide attempt. All State is a competition for spots in an orchestra comprised of the best players from around the state. The group gets together for 2 or 3 days of nonstop playing to learn their music for the concert they will give. It's a very prestigious honor. Scouts from university's come to watch, so if you're serious like I am, then it's a great opportunity. But, I didn't make it this year. I failed quite epically actually. It's okay though, I'm only a sophomore, I have 2 more years. And this the first it was even open for me to attempt, so I wasn't really expecting such tough competition; I know better now. Practice practice practice my friends! By senior year I'll be on that stage creating a cloud of rosin dust!
Currently I am taking my solo, La Folia by: Corelli,-- which I've been working on for almost a year now-- to district solo and ensemble( and then to state) and to audition for a summer music camp, Quartz Mountain. I really hope I can get into Quartz that would such a wonderful experience. Two weeks of musical immersion! Wish me luck. What's something you dream of doing?
This year alone I've played more than I've ever played in my life. First contributer: I finally made it into the top orchestra, Symphonic, my sophomore year amazingly. Last year I was in Philharmonic--I skipped freshie orchestra, not to brag or anything. Haha! Second reason: Musical! Yes I voluntarily signed myself up for this form of orchestral torture/bootcamp. This year they picked Little Women. I literally had no life the month of October. Wake up, go to school, musical practice until 6:30 or even 9, go home and eat dinner, do homework, sleep, and repeat. Not to mention weekend rehearsals and the ones over break, and my private lessons which I had two times a week to help with figuring out the crazy musical key signatures--6 sharps anyone. I ate and breathed music. In short hardest and most fun thing I have ever done musically! I've actually been physically maimed from it! Just kidding; I now have a hickey-esque raw spot on my neck from where my violin rests. So if anyone asks, my boyfriend is Ludwig( yes I named my violin. Who doesn't? All the losers that's who.) He loves to nibble on my throat. *giggle*