Just some food for thought....

"Don't be afraid of the space between 
your dreams and reality. If you can 
dream it, you can make it so." 
- Belva Davis 

 

It's almost the beginning of a New Year again, and whether you want to finally get into shape or take up knitting everyone has something they dream of doing. Just remember that nothing is out of grasp. The only limitations are the ones you set for yourself. So tell me, what are your plans for 2011?  

Where's My Prince Charming?

So I'm sitting here freaking out that I'm a total loser because I'm 16 and have never held hands, kissed, or dated a boy. Sure I've had people hit on me even ask for my number--but they were all players and potheads. Why am I spazing over this? Well I was at my friend's unofficial 16th Birthday party( she didn't want one but her mom made her a cake and told her to invite people over. lol I had a really great time) and with the room being full of girls, the conversation eventually lead to boys. Everyone in the room has dated multiple guys, some have even lost the virginity already. And there sits little innocent me; never been kissed. It made me feel out of place, having never done anything with a boy. But it didn't really hit me until just now.

  But you know what, I realized--sitting here contemplating why my love life is so barren--that I'm just selective. I have high standards, and frankly the guys at my school just aren't up to par. It's a good thing that I'm not throwing my affections away. If guys like me, they'll let me know. And most importantly--this is going to sound very cheesy--I don't need a man to be happy. Which I already knew, but sometimes you just have to remind yourself of these things.
  I know I'm beautiful, people tell me all the time. No, I am not talking about my mother! I get comments on my skin and hair frequently; golden olive( 50% Italian baby. You are free to be jealous!) and dark chocolate curls. Granted I've always wished I was as pale as snow. But I know that people spend hours roasting their beautiful skin to attain what I have naturally. So I'm not ugly.

  Confidence wise I could be better, but I've improved 10-fold from middle school. 6th grade I was the shy nerdy kid who had absolutely no fashion sense, was match-stick-thin, flat chested--of course, and was afraid of everything ( I prefer to forget this time in my life). 7th grade was my reform years, where I tried way to hard to be tough and bad-ass( I still had no fashion sense, little confidence, and was terribly thin) I didn't do work and tried my best to get into trouble; basically I was reinventing myself. 8th grade was a continuation of the previous year work wise, although I did gain some amazing friends--and some boobs. :D The summer before freshman year is when I really changed. I gained major self-esteem and realized that slacking off next year wasn't an option. Everything was going to count now, and not doing my work hadn't made me cooler at all.
  High School has been amazing, it kicks middle school's ass! I've made many friends a lot of them upperclassmen ( in High School age and grade don't really matter.) and boys. I'd never want to date any of them though. They're too good of friends and not very attractive.

  So ladies, the moral of the story is you are NOT losers for never having been kissed at 16, you are all beautiful and the guys are just too busy drooling to speak to you, Middle School sucks, and the High School dating pool is very slim. Keep upholding your standards and respect your body; our knights in shinning armor will come!

Sniffing too much Rosin

  So an update is needed about my harry Potter premier tickets( a month late--but yes). I was not able to go because a flu like virus decided to mug me and leave me stranded on my couch the week of. The only thing I got up for was to drag myself to an orchestra contest I had. Can't skip that. Especially with all practice time I devoted to it!
  I don't think I've mentioned, but violin is my passion as of late. I started in 5th grade along with all my other classmates, but unlike them I keep coming back year after year. I just can't get enough of that shrill E string I guess. Until this year it's always been a hobby that I do for enjoyment, but something changed. I credit one of my favorite artists, Emilie Autumn, (I'm actually listening to her right now as I peck away on my keyboard). Her brilliant mastery of the electric violin has inspired me to turn my hobby into a living.

  This year alone I've played more than I've ever played in my life. First contributer: I finally made it into the top orchestra, Symphonic, my sophomore year amazingly. Last year I was in Philharmonic--I skipped freshie orchestra, not to brag or anything. Haha! Second reason: Musical! Yes I voluntarily signed myself up for this form of orchestral torture/bootcamp. This year they picked Little Women. I literally had no life the month of October. Wake up, go to school, musical practice until 6:30 or even 9,  go home and eat dinner, do homework, sleep, and repeat. Not to mention weekend rehearsals and the ones over break, and my private lessons which I had two times a week to help with figuring out the crazy musical key signatures--6 sharps anyone. I ate and breathed music.  In short hardest and most fun thing I have ever done musically! I've actually been physically maimed from it! Just kidding; I now have a hickey-esque raw spot on my neck from where my violin rests. So if anyone asks, my boyfriend is Ludwig( yes I named my violin. Who doesn't? All the losers that's who.) He loves to nibble on my throat. *giggle*
  Third cause: I tried out for All State Orchestra--another suicide attempt. All State is a competition for spots in an orchestra comprised of the best players from around the state. The group gets together for 2 or 3 days of nonstop playing to learn their music for the concert they will give. It's a very prestigious honor. Scouts from university's come to watch, so if you're serious like I am, then it's a great opportunity. But, I didn't make it this year. I failed quite epically actually. It's okay though, I'm only a sophomore, I have 2 more years. And this the first it was even open for me to attempt, so I wasn't really expecting such tough competition; I know better now. Practice practice practice my friends! By senior year I'll be on that stage creating a cloud of rosin dust!

  Currently I am taking my solo, La Folia by: Corelli,-- which I've been working on for almost a year now-- to district solo and ensemble( and then to state) and to audition for a summer music camp, Quartz Mountain. I really hope I can get into Quartz that would such a wonderful experience. Two weeks of musical immersion! Wish me luck. What's something you dream of doing?

Harry Potter: A Timeline

   Guess who has Harry Potter tickets for the midnight premier!!! Me! Ahh, I'm so excited. Yes I am a Harry Potter nerd. I've read all the books and own every movie. What can I say, I've grown up on this series. In 4th grade me and a friend had a competition to see who could finish reading the The Goblet of Fire first. It was very confusing because having not read any of previous books. For instance I had no idea who Sirius was. But then I was hooked and proceeded to gobble up all of the series.

   The first movie I saw in theaters was The Prisoner of Azkaban when a guy-friend of mine had his birthday party at the movies.(I was such the tomboy in Elementary School) I remember being freaked out by Lupin's transformation into a werewolf. Now I laugh at how cute he looks in wolf form--there's something about the character of Lupin that I'm drawn too; I find him very sexy. Now I know the actor who plays him isn't particularly mouth watering. But if we're talking about just the character--so hott! And David Thewlis does an extraordinary job of portraying him! 

   Then of course I asked for the movie as a birthday present, and at my party me all my girl-friends (sleepover!) piled around the t.v to watch Harry battle dementors.  I distinctly recall proclaiming that Harry was "cute when he got all bloodied-up". My friends laughed and laughed about that. That night still makes me smile.
   Now a faithful fan, I made sure to read the books and then watch the movies. One I never saw in theaters though was The Order of the Phoenix. The entrance of Tonks. Nymphadora Tonks resonates with me greatly. With her punk flavored fashion, strong attitude, ability to kick-ass as an auror, and that fact that she ends up with Lupin; there's no wonder that I find her amazing. In 8th grade I even tried to change me name to hers( identity crisis! lol). As you can guess that didn't work out, and I am now perfectly content with who I am. But it just goes to show how much of a fan I am.
   Speaking of names, I have a list of baby names--provided I ever end up having children. Guess who's on the list? Among others: Luna, Nymphadora, Sirius, Remus, and Bellatrix( you have to admit she has an awesome name even if she's a Death Eater) 
   My first midnight premier was The Half-Blood Prince. What an amazing experience.My sisters and I arrived at 9:00 just to get good seats. Settling down I opened up the book to keep myself entertained( I started re-reading a couple of weeks before. Something I plan to do this year.) Then before the lights dimmed some people performed a skit involving Voldemort. I don't remember all the details, but know I laughed so hard. More laughs ensued when Dumbledore came out of the bathroom with a home-improvement magazine and Harry tried to pick up a girl. Honestly midnight premiers are the best showings because the audience gets so into it.
   So here's to this years midnight premier; may it be truly astonishing!
   

   So my friend brought up an interesting topic today; people's texting obsession. People are addicted to texting now days. My friend was literally the only other person, excluding my mum, to call me, in I have no idea how many months. It was extremely sad to think about. Why would you not call someone? It's a hell of a lot faster to make a 2 minute phone call then spend 30 minutes texting back and forth with someone. I'm estimating 30 minutes because of the usual 5 minute wait between replies, and then of course the typing out of your thoughts on a miniature keyboard--which will undoubtedly lead to typing errors you'll have to correct. Texting is a hassle not a help when trying to have a conversation with another person. I'm sure the people who came up with texting only imagined it to be utilised for quick reminders or changes in plans of party dates. But texting has become the new form of communication. Completely replacing phone calls.
  Texting is highly impersonal. You can't hear the other persons voice or even glimpse their face(which would help greatly in the communication department). Many a time I have misinterpreted people's reactions and feelings via text messaging. Because words have difficulty conveying emotions(unless you use the big ones. :) And we all know the typical teenager has a limited vocabulary. Like OMG, that's so true!) especially text-speak.
 Hey, how r u? (Oppps! Shame on me. Text-speak has no commas)
hey how r u
gr8 lol
what r u up 2
nm hbu
same lol
OMG! ( my favorite text-speak word.:] ) guess what happened 2 me 2day!?marbles askd me out!!!
OMG! thats awesm grl no way! good 4 u
hes soo hott
smokn lol
well i gtg
kk ily
i<3u 2
c u 2mro
  Well, that took longer for something that is supposed to be short hand. My stupid grammar skills interfered. I forgot there is no such thing as punctuation and capital letters in texting land. I'm terribly sorry if you parted with brain cells after reading my fake and dreadfully shallow rendition of bubble-head teenagers text speaking.
   Now I know it seems as if I am hating on texting. Don't get me wrong; I text too and am guilty of replacing my yous with just a u. But only if I am in a hurry. I make every effort to capitalize, punctuate, and spell accurately whenever I am texting. If I had it my way I would not text nearly as much as I do. But as I stated before, it is the preferred method of my friends. It can be convenient in certain situations. I just feel people are forgetting how to have real conversations. A real discussion is where you give the other person your undivided attention-- maybe even making eye contact. Replying using one word, through an electronic device, while you shovel food into your mouth, worrying about the Geometry test you have 5th hour is not really talking to someone. It requires almost no physical or mental effort.

Dreams of Freedom

  Did you know that you can be emancipated from you're parents at age 16? Now I know this is a weird blog opening, b ut this whole idea popped into my head while I was away on a family vacation. Some vacation if you're thinking about being emancipated! lol 

  For those of you who don't know what emancipation means:  "Emancipation" is a legal process that gives a teenager who is 16 or older legal independence from his or her parents or guardians. Basically you are flying away from the nest a bit ahead of schedule.
  Oh how I want to be away from my parents! I feel so trapped and suffocated. My father has to do everything by himself because if he doesn't do it it will be done wrong. There is only way in his mind--his way. If you knew me then you would know that I don't follow blindly like some silly sheep. I question everything and have a tendency to be very sarcastic. I actually have quite a mean streak. I think it's my defense mechanism against all the teasing I've endured from my family during my pitifully short existence. I should really work on being nicer. I don't want to end up like my persecutors--emotionless, unsympathetic jerks.
  That's one of my biggest fears; that'll become what I hate. Already I feel as if I'm doing just that. It's quite scary. But how can you be pleasant when you're surrounded by hate and negativity? It just baffles me. To be loving and nice to the people who hurt you seems like living a lie.
  That's why I want to get away; so I won't morph into what I despise. Emancipation seems highly impossible though, unless I want to screw up my life even more by not being able to go to college because I have to pay my bills and all that other shit I'd have to take care of myself. No I'll just have to bide my time and try to play nice. Only 3 more years and I'll be able to walk out of the door and call all the shots. Hopefully I will stay sane until that day.
                                                                                                                                      
                                                                          Best wishes to the rest of the world. Blessed Be )O(